For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" Rom 8:15

At the church I'm attending right now, the women's ministry is doing a series about battles.  Today I finished up this week's lessons and realized that my 'battles' revolve around trust-- either I don't have enough trust in God so I lose the battle, or the battle is so much that my trust in God is weakened.  I don't know if that makes sense, but I just had this feeling of defeat.  Even though I was reading through many good verses about how Jesus has brought us victory and in Christ we have power to overcome, I just could not grasp the truth of them.  I knew in my mind that my view of God was much too small... but I couldn't change it in my heart.  So I just prayed, "God why don't I have faith?  Help my unbelief."  I walked away from that study not feeling much better, but I just decided to wait on God.

Later, I was reading from a devotional book that was in Doug & Barbara's bathroom.  What is the topic for the month of October?  "Trust."  I just thought, "Wow."  So I started reading this story that one of the women wrote.  She talked about how her weakness is her children and went on to tell a story about how she courageously stood up for her daughters one time.  At the end she said, "If I can love my children so much, imagine how much more God loves us."  When I read that it was like all at once I felt shame, peace, and trust.  I don't have any kids of my own and until I do I can't know what it's like to love my own child... and I honestly can't say that I can think of my parents love for me and feel that I understand what it means for God to love me.  But what did come to mind was how much my mother-in-law loves her kids.  I have no doubt in my mind that she always wants what's best for them and will go to the ends of the earth for them.  Even though I know that this human love pales in comparison to God's love for us, I'm SO thankful to have her as an example in my life.  And the wonderful thing is that the more I know her, the more I feel like she loves me that way too.

The most valuable thing that I got from all of this was just how dangerous (and sad) it is when we doubt God's love for us.  When we forget how big and expansive His love is for us... and how we never have to doubt that He wants the very best for us.  I was so humbled and so grateful that He was so quick to answer my prayer.  When I know in my heart that He loves me, I know I can trust Him.  And this truly is a battle, why would Satan want us to believe that our Father loves us?